I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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