Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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