roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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