apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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