Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
