yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Randomize
