It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
