I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i would punch a child for taco bell
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
