you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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