you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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