I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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