the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
