very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
