I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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