if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
