Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
