i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
this is an emotional support booty call
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
