Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
