Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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