his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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