Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just high enough for therapy.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
