Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
