foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
