how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
