My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
