He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Randomize
