I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
