two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
