perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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