this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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