I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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