shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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