he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
