I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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