Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
