You're so nebulous sometimes
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
