Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
