ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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