there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
