Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
