Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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