I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
