1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I believe in your delicious
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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