At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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