I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
