life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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