I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
