I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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