WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Everything about him screamed your future.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
