Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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