Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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