It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
